Note to Self

Dear Rachel:

Why must there be an epic battle for your very soul every time you sit down to write what you like? Why is your very body reluctant to sit down, exhale, pay attention to yourself and this art you want to practice? This is the space you need. Doing this helps you, and that helps your family. Ever since 2000, my dear 43-year-old contrarian, you have used writing to figure out what the hell was happening in your life. You would write the plays and then watch them looking for information about yourself. That is what happens in your art, such as it is, and neglect it at your peril. Yes, you heard me. Shockingly selfish, it seems, I know. It is so selfish that to you that it is terrifying. It calls up all the neural paths that became strong and bright during your adolescence: the heart-stopping thrill of knowingly sinning. It was supposed to be Jesus First, Yourself Last, Others In Between! Very explicit instructions. Every time you put yourself first, let's face it, you really should be doing something else.

So the guilt makes it difficult. Have some compassion for yourself, then, and ease your guilt!

Put that on the list of things to do after you feed, bathe, clothe and put two children to sleep.




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