Happy New Year

I feel like this is going to be a big year for me, it's been ten years - cue Jeremy Piven in Grosse Point Blank: Ten years. Ten Years! TEN YEARS! TEN YEARS! Ten Years! Pause. Ten years.

Ten years ago, 2001, was the year. It was the year of my life that everything went down and everything that has happened to me in this DECADE is a consequence of that year. The bipolar diagnosis, Skadden inexplicably dumping me, Dan Goldberg sending me an e-mail telling me I should marry Rhys, showing Rhys my bipolar diagnosis and him still being game, winning the Ten Minute Play competition and thinking I was ready to move to London and be a playwright.

Ready to be a playwright. That would be exactly like a London playwright watching a trial in DC District court and saying, hey, you know what, this looks even more fun than writing plays! I'm in! And the playwright moves to DC and expects to instantly be a trial lawyer. Cue Syndrome in The Incredibles after monologuing about life trampling on his fondest dreams: HA! ha! Ha ha HA HA! Ha!

So in 2001 my life changed completely. I was so scared of the change at the time. I was so terrified by it all that I suppressed it, and hid from myself the fact that it was happening. Like at my wedding when my body distracted me with pneumonia and a hacking death cough. Sad in retrospect. It was like my subconscious wanted me to make this change so badly that finally it had to just feed my conscious mind a line of bullshit to get it to shut up. Cue Cassie in Chorus Line: (tenderly) What I did for love. I was so in love. Love: a powerful trick pulled by your subconscious mind.

Ten years on and perhaps I am ready to celebrate what happened that year, and ready to carefully consider what is worth celebrating. It did lead to the life I have now, a life I did not cry about upon returning to Cambridge from Florida this year. It did result in my family. I didn't see it coming at all, my conscious mind being somewhat of an outlier, but my subconscious, my unconscious, saw everything, recreated the ancient stories out of DNA and found my family for me.

I did know that there would be a time when I would look back and say, well, you moved to London to be a playwright. Did you succeed or fail? I used to say this to myself, a cursed, horrible mantra when I first moved to London. Truly I am a bitch, trying to goad myself into art this way. Luckily, I found I had a lot to learn, and learn I have. I have had some positive responses along the way. I am working on a new play now that is kind of scary in a very good way. I want this to be a happy new year.


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