Miranda and Brandon Separate #28dayslater #day18


today's challenge was to write a play that turned on an emoticon. the eagle eyed will note the return of Miranda and Brandon from #day5 with #mamasbrokenheart


here you go.


MIRANDA AND BRANDON SEPARATE


An open plan living room and kitchen in a nice house in Alpharetta, a suburb of Atlanta, in Georgia, southern USA.
MIRANDA is lying on the couch looking at her phone. There is a gun on the coffee table and a suitcase next to it.

BRANDON enters. They are a good looking couple. That has to be part of the problem.

MIRANDA
Brandon. You forgot your phone.

BRANDON continues toward her in silence. He notices the gun. MIRANDA notices him and very calmly pulls it towards herself.

MIRANDA
I’m either goin’ to shoot you or leave you.

BRENDAN
Tell me honey are you drunk?

MIRANDA
That doesn’t matter.

BRENDAN
What’s happened here?

MIRANDA
Your phone is happening here Brendan. And don’t you talk to me with your ‘MIRANDA’S CRAZY’ voice. Don’t you dare. And I have had a Maker’s Mark Old Fashioned. Bourbon! What was I doin’ drinking Prosecco for all those years?

BRENDAN
Let me get you some club soda. Even it out.

MIRANDA
No Brendan. You’ve been having an affair with Joanna. You know I would like some club soda with ice. And some ginger tea.

BRENDAN heads to a cupboard to look for tea bags.

MIRANDA
Fresh ginger.

BRENDAN
Why do you think I’m having an affair with Joanna? I mean. Joanna.

MIRANDA
You texted her eggplants twelve times. I know what eggplants mean!

BRENDAN
We was makin’ ratatouille for the Ninth Grade World Culture day.

MIRANDA
Where’s the zucchini then?

BRENDAN
They don’t do zucchini but you see all the tomatoes? If I’m havin an affair why all the tomatoes.

MIRANDA
I didn’t think you would deny it. And then I started to think it doesn’t matter whether you were sleeping with Joanna -

BRENDAN
But I would never.

MIRANDA
I know honey. I read all the texts. She threw herself at you.

BRENDAN
What do you mean?

BRENDAN shaves fresh ginger into a teapot.

MIRANDA
(reading the texts) I’m so grateful you babysat Taylor while I was at the custody hearing! (scrolling) Taylor had such a great time on Saturday, your son’s a great cook. And then TWO HEARTS and TWO kissses.

BRENDAN
She was just being friendly.

MIRANDA
And that’s when the eggplants started.

BRENDAN
You ask her.

MIRANDA texts on BRENDAN’S phone. BRENDAN puts on the kettle, gets the bourbon.
MIRANDA
(as she texts) Eggplant. Eggplant heart. Eggplant tomato heart. Face in rain.

BRENDAN
That’s not face in rain. That’s sweat. They’re nervous. It’s like -

He wipes imaginary sweat from his brow.

MIRANDA
Oh lord that just makes it worse for you. Where’s my tea? Where’s my bourbon?

BRENDAN hands her the bourbon and pours the tea.
MIRANDA
Part of it I think is that I just want to shoot someone. Not you in particular. That’s a clear moral wrong but I’m still considering it. Part of it is that I just want to grab that suitcase, check into a suite at the Four Seasons and make my way through some caviar and vintage Champagne. Why deny myself?

BRENDAN
Because we don’t have that kind of money. You know I love you --

MIRANDA
And I also know we haven’t had sex since Trump was inaugurated. And you’re only human.

BRENDAN
Then why do you have to leave?

MIRANDA
Leave or shoot.

BRENDAN
Let’s stay on leave.


MIRANDA
I don’t want to leave you. In particular. I just want a change
BRENDAN
What kind of change?
MIRANDA
More emeralds and vacations. Some honeymoon type dinners.

BRENDAN
Well that’s wonderful. I’d love to take you to dinner.

A period of silence. MIRANDA takes the couch and is deep in contemplation.

MIRANDA
I’m just trying to decide whether I’d like to spend the evening at the hospital or Le Bruant Tombe.

BRENDAN
You like the cocktails at Tombe.

MIRANDA
They have a Yo Sushi at the hospital. It’s kind of a toss-up.

She shoots at BRANDON but misses on purpose.

MIRANDA
(sobbing,on her knees) Where’s my tea Brandon?

END OF PLAY

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