Miranda and Brandon Separate #28dayslater #day18

today's challenge was to write a play that turned on an emoticon. the eagle eyed will note the return of Miranda and Brandon from #day5 with #mamasbrokenheart

here you go.

MIRANDA AND BRANDON SEPARATE

An open plan living room and kitchen in a nice house in Alpharetta, a suburb of Atlanta, in Georgia, southern USA.

MIRANDA is lying on the couch looking at her phone. There is a gun on the coffee table and a suitcase next to it.

BRANDON enters. They are a good looking couple. That has to be part of the problem.

MIRANDA

Brandon. You forgot your phone.

BRANDON continues toward her in silence. He notices the gun. MIRANDA notices him and very calmly pulls it towards herself.

MIRANDA

I’m either goin’ to shoot you or leave you.

BRENDAN

Tell me honey are you drunk?

MIRANDA

That doesn’t matter.

BRENDAN

What’s happened here?

MIRANDA

Your phone is happening here Brendan. And don’t you talk to me with your ‘MIRANDA’S CRAZY’ voice. Don’t you dare. And I have had a Maker’s Mark Old Fashioned. Bourbon! What was I doin’ drinking Prosecco for all those years?

BRENDAN

Let me get you some club soda. Even it out.

MIRANDA

No Brendan. You’ve been having an affair with Joanna. You know I would like some club soda with ice. And some ginger tea.

BRENDAN heads to a cupboard to look for tea bags.

MIRANDA

Fresh ginger.

BRENDAN

Why do you think I’m having an affair with Joanna? I mean. Joanna.

MIRANDA

You texted her eggplants twelve times. I know what eggplants mean!

BRENDAN

We was makin’ ratatouille for the Ninth Grade World Culture day.

MIRANDA

Where’s the zucchini then?

BRENDAN

They don’t do zucchini but you see all the tomatoes? If I’m havin an affair why all the tomatoes.

MIRANDA

I didn’t think you would deny it. And then I started to think it doesn’t matter whether you were sleeping with Joanna -

BRENDAN

But I would never.

MIRANDA

I know honey. I read all the texts. She threw herself at you.

BRENDAN

What do you mean?

BRENDAN shaves fresh ginger into a teapot.

MIRANDA

(reading the texts) I’m so grateful you babysat Taylor while I was at the custody hearing! (scrolling) Taylor had such a great time on Saturday, your son’s a great cook. And then TWO HEARTS and TWO kissses.

BRENDAN

She was just being friendly.

MIRANDA

And that’s when the eggplants started.

BRENDAN

You ask her.

MIRANDA texts on BRENDAN’S phone. BRENDAN puts on the kettle, gets the bourbon.

MIRANDA

(as she texts) Eggplant. Eggplant heart. Eggplant tomato heart. Face in rain.

BRENDAN

That’s not face in rain. That’s sweat. They’re nervous. It’s like -

He wipes imaginary sweat from his brow.

MIRANDA

Oh lord that just makes it worse for you. Where’s my tea? Where’s my bourbon?

BRENDAN hands her the bourbon and pours the tea.

MIRANDA

Part of it I think is that I just want to shoot someone. Not you in particular. That’s a clear moral wrong but I’m still considering it. Part of it is that I just want to grab that suitcase, check into a suite at the Four Seasons and make my way through some caviar and vintage Champagne. Why deny myself?

BRENDAN

Because we don’t have that kind of money. You know I love you --

MIRANDA

And I also know we haven’t had sex since Trump was inaugurated. And you’re only human.

BRENDAN

Then why do you have to leave?

MIRANDA

Leave or shoot.

BRENDAN

Let’s stay on leave.

MIRANDA

I don’t want to leave you. In particular. I just want a change

BRENDAN

What kind of change?

MIRANDA

More emeralds and vacations. Some honeymoon type dinners.

BRENDAN

Well that’s wonderful. I’d love to take you to dinner.

A period of silence. MIRANDA takes the couch and is deep in contemplation.

MIRANDA

I’m just trying to decide whether I’d like to spend the evening at the hospital or Le Bruant Tombe.

BRENDAN

You like the cocktails at Tombe.

MIRANDA

They have a Yo Sushi at the hospital. It’s kind of a toss-up.

She shoots at BRANDON but misses on purpose.

MIRANDA

(sobbing,on her knees) Where’s my tea Brandon?

END OF PLAY